When Death is a Mess, Chapter 1

Biology is messy. Birth is incredibly messy on all occasions. Death is a biological event first and foremost but in the parts most of us have to deal with, death is only sometimes messy.

If you have to deal with not only the emotional and spiritual mess of death but also the physical you have options.

1) Has someone else offered to help?

Often when people offer help we don't acknowledge the offer. People do not offer to help clean up after a death unless they are sure they are equipped for it. Seriously consider any offers of help.

2) Can you afford a professional?

There are many things you are going to have to do because of this death in the coming hours, months and years. Do you really want to start this journey doing the exhausting physical labor of cleaning? I have met plenty of people who have cleaned up homes, cars, yards, and garages after the death of someone very close to them. It did not kill any of them, but it did not make them any stronger.

Call professional cleaning services first. If they can't/won't help you, ask police, fire, rescue, the medical examiner, and funeral homes for referrals. Better yet, have someone who has offered to help do something make these calls. Your grief brain is not going to be good with details.

3) Is this something you need to do for your own sake?

There are some deaths and some relationships that just call for us to do it ourselves. After authorities allow a clean-up do the following:

    * Give yourself lots of time, clothes you never want to see again, safety glasses, gloves, a very good respirator mask, black towels that can be disposed of, thick and numerous garbage bags, every cleaning tool you own and more.

   * The order of cleaning is: remove liquids and debris first, then use lots of water and things that absorb water (mops, towels, wet vacs), use solvents and detergents last.

   *Act as if everything is possibly a dangerous contaminant during and after clean-up. It isn't, but now is not the time to get sloppy with precautions.

   *Give yourself permission to quit at any time. Have the professional number handy just in case.

   *Take breaks often. Be sure the area is as well ventilated as possible. Plan your meal times carefully and don't get anywhere near food without thoroughly decontaminating yourself. Have a disposal plan for all tools and clothes.

   *Tell people you are going to do this so they can check on you.

In conclusion: I have done some minor cleanups myself in a professional capacity. There are things you will never, ever forget about a clean-up. If it happens in my personal life in the future, I will be calling a pro because I don't want to add to that particular memory bank.

We all have to do what is best for ourselves. Consider your options carefully.