Scrapbooking for funerals. Lots of people don't get it. Funeral directors, families, other church members don't understand why anyone would want a funeral scrapbook. Here's a little crash course in why.
Generally the family has three sources of contact with those offering their condolences.
1) There are cards and flowers which arrive for the service or at the home.
2) There are face-to-face visits which are supplemented by signing one's name in a register book at a visitation or at the service.
3) Then there are calls and emails.
In reverse order I'll give you the reasons I believe bereaved loved ones are better served by a scrapbook than by all of these.
Calls and emails are the easiest way for the comforter to offer their comfort and condolences, but they can be a real hassle to the bereaved. The phone rings off the hook. Who has time to check email with all the other necessary tasks after a death? Then, when they do get on the phone or on the email, the bereaved has two choices:
1) be authentic at the risk of not finishing sentences, suddenly crying, or not making sense;
or 2) comfort the comforter by making the call as easy for the caller as possible. "We're OK. No, we don't need anything. Yes, we love you, too."
I don't know anyone who wants to inflict this choice intentionally on a grieving person. Calls and emails are good if brief and well-timed, but they are not enough.
Face-to-face visits are optimal for many reasons, but they have the drawback of impaired human memory in a time of crisis. If you have ever been through the death of someone close, you may know how nice it is to see people and hear their thoughtful words. It is also nearly impossible to remember at a later date what they said, or sometimes if they were even there.
So one goes to a register which offers nothing but names, half of which you can't read or don't recall how they knew Mama in the first place.
Which brings us to cards and flowers. These are good because they last for awhile, are tangible, and can be referred to as many times as needed. However, we often have trouble finding cards appropriate to our beliefs and some people feel flower tributes are wasteful. Enter the scrapbook.
Here is how one person I met at a funeral convention suggested to do it. People who would like to leave a special message for the family are given an envelope addressed to the family at the house, the office, the funeral home. Inside the envelope is an elegant piece of paper on which to write a memory of the deceased or include a photo. There is also some cardboard to protect the contents from the voracious postal machines that eat mail. People are encouraged to take these home and think awhile before writing and sending back to the family.
In the following days and weeks, the envelopes start coming back at the same time as some of the more unpleasant mailings one gets after a death. Each day, memories and well wishes of friends and family start showing up at the door. These can then be compiled and easily create a beautiful book. The result is more than a scrapbook. It becomes an archive of who someone was to those who loved them.
The grieving family can look at the words of their friends and loved ones when they are ready to. They will be able to absorb what others have to say more fully. They will also be able to feel whatever feelings come up from the sharing of these words in the privacy of their own home while looking through the book. And the book can be shared with those who couldn't come to the funeral, or in years to come with those who were too young to remember.
Steps to help create a scrapbook for a grieving family:
1) Buy the book first so you'll know how big the paper should be. Make sure the book is archival quality and lignin free.
2) Buy paper that is attractive, archival quality, easy to write on, and within your budget. Always buy more than you think you'll need. People will misplace some. Feel free to customize the paper at a print shop or at home with the name of the deceased. Consider including cardboard to protect the paper or photos.
3) Print labels with the family address on them. Pre-address envelopes.
4) Have paper, cardboard, envelopes at locations where the most people offering their condolences will be.
5) Print out instructions for people. This is a new concept for many.
6) Give the family the book, adhesives, folders, and anything else you think they may need to easily put the book together when the envelopes begin to arrive. OR offer to do it for them.
This is an excerpt from a post on Auspicious Jots from October 24, 2006 called "A Better Way to Remember"
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Notes from the floor of the 2006 Annual National Funeral Directors' Convention part 4
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